Nobody likes to feel out of control when it comes to their life. So what do many people start doing in order to feel in control? They start analyzing and micro-managing every single thing. We start to catastrophize our future or obsess over what we could have done better in the past. But the irony of all this is that it all just makes us feel overwhelmed and even less in control. But you have no need to worry. There is a very simple solution to this paradox and it is called surrender.

In this article I want to share with you some things I’ve found from research about surrender. I really just want my readers to get inspired and feel like this state of surrender is possible for them to reach. This vision was not given to you for no reason!

What Does It Mean To Surrender?

When you surrender, you find a willingness to accept what is to come and release all control or resistance. Many people find themselves exhausted after trying to control something in their lives. It doesn’t matter what we have tried to control, we all have had moments where we drove ourselves insane trying to predict the future or another person’s actions. But does that make you feel in control? It doesn’t, oftentimes it makes you feel less in control.

That’s why surrender is so important, it’s important to stop spiraling on things out of your control. It’s not worth the stress or worry. If something happens it was meant to, if doesnt then it wasn’t meant to happen. With that being said, surrender doesn’t mean you just sit around and do nothing. Just find areas in your life where you definitely cannot control anything and let go.

How Does Surrendering Feel? (Emotionally and Physically)

Emotional Experience

States of surrender are correlated with positive psychological states such as improved well being. People who consistently live in a state of surrender were also experiencing a more positive quality of life related constructs such as thriving, flourishing, valued living, happiness, gratitude, and self-compassion. When you’re in a state of acceptance, you aren’t overthinking about random, unhelpful things, instead you have more energy to put into your own dreams and goals. You feel peaceful and relaxed. You have a feeling of trust whether it be in yourself, or in a higher power.

Physical Experience

Research has shown that the practice of letting growth changes your brain structure. Grey matter in the amygdala, associated with anxiety and stress, decreased. In contrast, it increased the grey matter of structures in our brain that have to do with self-awareness, compassion, and introspection. Whenever we feel stressed sometimes our bodies tense up. Our shoulders often squeeze together and our jaws clench. But as you start to let go and surrender, your body relaxes. You start noticing whenever your jaws are clenched or whenever your shoulders tense.

Ways To Practice Surrender

Parasympathetic (Vagus Nerve) Regulation

Your vagus nerve regulates internal organ functions such as digestion, heart rate and respiratory rates. The vagus nerve helps our bodies regulate after exposure to stress, in supporting autonomic regulation and helping the body calm down after a stressful event. The vagus nerve is essential in today’s world as we all seem to be under a surplus of constant stressors. We actively try to get into our parasympathetic or rest, relaxation and recovery.

Each time we activate the parasympathetic response, you strengthen your vagus nerve. Essentially the state of surrender is a skill you can build over time.

Here are some ways to regulate your vagus nerve:

• Deep breathing
• Cold water exposure
• Create safe social connections
• Engage with something that connects you to something larger
• Meditate and pray

Cognitive Defusion

Cognitive defusion is very simple. It is the act of just witnessing a thought as exactly what it is, a thought. Oftentimes when a thought forms that we don’t like, our first instinct is to fight with it, which is just a miserable practice. Instead just let the thought pass through your mind without attaching any deeper meaning to it.

Cognitive defusion significantly reduced worry, and depression while it increased the quality of life. The opposite of cognitive defusion, cognitive fusion has been linked to disability, catastrophizing, anxiety, depression, and pain intensity. Whereas cognitive defusion has regulated acute pain, the intensity of pain and catastrophising. Now, which would you rather practice, cognitive fusion or defusion?

How to practice cognitive defusion:

• Say what you are thinking out loud to create distance between yourself and the thought
• Thank your mind whenever unhelpful thoughts arise; “thank you mind for that thought”.
• Say the thought out loud in a silly voice to reduce its power
• Observe your thoughts pass through like clouds in the sky
• Label and notice unhelpful thought patterns

Flow State Practices

When you are in a flow state you are completely involved in an activity. You are fully focused, not as self aware, and you feel a sense of control (ironically). People often feel like they are in a flow state when they forget about time and their surroundings and are just focused on the activity itself. When you are in a state of flow, you feel what it’s like to surrender. You forget what others think, you forget about yourself, about all the things that need to get done. If you are constantly worrying about others or monitoring yourself, you are not able to reach peak performance.

In a 10 year long study with 5,000 executives, the executives who reported having flow states at work had a 500% increase in their productivity.

How to cultivate a flow state:

• Match challenges with your skill level
• Set clear, realistic goals
• Eliminate distractions
• Get your motivation from within

Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is when you let go of resentment for your past or your present. You fully accept the challenges you have either faced in the past or are facing now. You have to completely accept everything after all that is what the radical means. This is what surrender is at its core. When we fight against our reality we create pain. Experiencing pain in our lives is inevitable, but leave that to the external, your internal world should bring you peace.

Radical acceptance reduces “secondary suffering”, which is the distress caused by resisting your emotions. In a 2019 study that was published in The Journal of Affective Disorders, researchers found that people who used acceptance based coping strategies had a 30% decrease in depressive symptoms over 6 months compared to people who used avoidance based coping strategies.

How to practice radical acceptance:

• Observe things without judgement
• Say out loud, “this is what is happening, fighting won’t change anything”
• Smile to send a positive signal to your brain
• Allow emotions to exist without pushing them away

Body-Based Letting Go (Somatic Experiencing)

Somatic therapies surround the premise that all of our experiences, emotions, traumas and enresolved emotional issues become trapped inside of our bodies. You may be asking yourself, well what does this have to do with surrendering? Well look at animals, whenever a dog feels stressed, they shake. A bird ruffles its feathers whenever it feels stressed. What I’m trying to say is humans have body wisdom as well, our bodies know how to release traumas or emotions, we just have to surrender to the process.

Our nervous systems have ways to release things from our bodies. This usually includes spontaneous movements such as shaking or posture changes. Sometimes our bodies can’t get rid of certain things so they stay stuck. This is where somatic experiences come to good use.

How to perform body-based letting go:

• Do a body scan
• Breathwork
• Move gently during times where you feel it’s needed
• Do trauma release exercises (TRE)
• Yoga

Self-Transcendent Practices.

Self-Transcendent practices are when you engage with something that helps you transcend your sense of self and connect with something greater. During a self-transcendent experience you forget about your personal problems and you experience abundance with how expansive this transcendent experience makes you feel. When you forget about your problems and are connected with something larger, surrender feels natural. When we are in a transcendent state we feel connected to all things, which in turn rids the illusion of separateness.

Functional MRI studies show that during transcendent experiences we experience a deactivation of the network in our brain responsible for useless brain dialogue and identification with our ego. In contrast there is an activation in the brain network that has to do with feelings of salience and attention.

Ways to cultivate self-transcendance:

• Meditate
• Spend time in nature that leaves you in awe
• Find a creative pursuit you get lost in
• Volunteer to connect with people and to shift focus from yourself to helping others
• Learn new things to expand your worldview

Signs Of A State Of Surrender

Surrender is an amazing state of mind that helps you see most of the things you are stressing or worrying about are not worth it. But I believe in order to really check if your consistent practice is working you need to know what to look for. So here are some signs that you are really learning how to surrender and let go:

• Signs Your Consistently In A State Of Surrender – Lower resting heart rate, decreased cortisol levels, and improved heart rate variability
• Better sleep patterns – Falling asleep faster and fewer in the middle of the night wake ups
• Reduced rumination on negative thinking – Spend less time living in the past and or catastrophizing about the future
• Bolder actions – You start to take on challenges that you previously avoided
• Less reactive to emotions – Emotions are felt as wholly without feeling controlled by them
• Live in the present moment more – You stay present instead of “time traveling” to problems that you can’t solve
• Feel no need to control others – You feel an acceptance of the way others are
• Make more authentic connections – Vulnerability, which is a form of surrender, deepens your relationships
• Better decision making – You feel no need to make perfect decisions

As much as I am a big believer in this topic, don’t take this as an excuse to just sit back and become lazy. Control the parts of your life you can control, your discipline, routine, career, whatever it is and just release anything else that is completely out of your grasp.

I am really passionate about teaching people about how to surrender. As someone who has been on a very interesting and energy consuming journey when it comes to defeating negative thought patterns, surrender has been so beneficial. I just feel more relaxed and confident in my life’s path and a higher power to guide me, and everyone deserves that. No one deserves to be stuck in negative thought loops and endless worrying. So please take what you learn from this article and apply it to areas in your life.